Monday, July 31, 2023

Why do we offer flowers to those who cannot see or smell ?!


 The Power of Love and Support: 
Redefining Our Culture's Approach to Empathy

Philipose Vaidyar

In our culture, there is a paradox when it comes to demonstrating love and appreciation. While people are alive and in need, they often receive minimal attention and support. Hardly anyone among those who visit offers a single flower or some encouraging words. However, once they pass away, there is a sudden outpouring of flowers and wreaths, as if to compensate for the lack of care during their life. This phenomenon raises a crucial question about the way we express affection. Shouldn't we show love and appreciation to the living, rather than waiting until it's too late?



Even if we don't offer a flower or a word of encouragement and support, let us refrain from adding thorns to their lives with our words and deeds. It is disheartening to witness some individuals passing judgment and spreading gossip without verifying the facts or considering the person's perspective. What right do we have to tarnish someone's reputation without knowing the truth? Instead, let us choose to walk with such people, offering empathy and understanding.

Amidst the negativity, there may be silent souls who stand by those going through difficulties, providing unwavering support and helping them overcome their challenges. These compassionate individuals demonstrate the power of genuine care and prove that we can make a positive difference in someone's life by offering a listening ear and a helping hand. Let us be inspired by their actions and strive to be more compassionate, understanding, and supportive to those around us, breaking free from the paradox of love and appreciation and fostering a culture of kindness and warmth.

We must shift our mindset and behavior to break free from this paradox. It is crucial to recognize the importance of showing love and kindness to those who are still with us. Simple gestures, such as offering a flower or a word of encouragement, or even participating in paying their bills or pending payments, can make a profound impact on someone facing hardships. By actively reaching out and offering support, we can bridge the gap between the love expressed in life and that shown after death, creating a more caring and compassionate society.

Moreover, we must cultivate a culture of openness and support when it comes to discussing vulnerabilities and challenges. By eliminating the stigma around such issues, we can create a more empathetic and connected society.

In conclusion, the paradox of love and appreciation in our culture reminds us of the need to redefine our approach to empathy. Let's not wait until it's too late to show love and support. Instead, let us actively demonstrate affection and appreciation to the living, walking alongside them in their life journey. By doing so, we can build a more compassionate society where gestures of love are not reserved for the deceased but generously offered to the living.

“Love should be shown without pretending. Hate evil, and hold on to what is good. Love each other like the members of your family. Be the best at showing honor to each other. Don’t hesitate to be enthusiastic—be on fire in the Spirit as you serve the Lord! Be happy in your hope, stand your ground when you’re in trouble, and devote yourselves to prayer. Contribute to the needs of God’s people, and welcome strangers into your home. Bless people who harass you—bless and don’t curse them. Be happy with those who are happy, and cry with those who are crying. Consider everyone as equal, and don’t think that you’re better than anyone else. Instead, associate with people who have no status. Don’t think that you’re so smart. Don’t pay back anyone for their evil actions with evil actions, but show respect for what everyone else believes is good. If possible, to the best of your ability, live at peace with all people. Don’t try to get revenge for yourselves, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath. It is written, “Revenge belongs to me; I will pay it back, says the Lord”. Instead, “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him a drink. By doing this, you will pile burning coals of fire upon his head”. Don’t be defeated by evil, but defeat evil with good".   Romans 12:9-21 

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Friday, July 7, 2023

Why You Shouldn't Marry an Organization

This is only a draft content for feedback



Why You Shouldn't Marry an Organization

Philipose Vaidyar

"He is a rolling stone; he does not settle in one place!" If he had settled and devoted thirty-five years of service to an organization before retiring, he could have become a “committed and respected staff member”. The organization might have bid him farewell with praise, a colorful bouquet, and a red suitcase bought with contributions from fellow employees. However, how many employers truly care about their staff’s family struggles, parental responsibilities, or children's education? Employees, whether in secular, social, or spiritual organizations, do not join with the intent to fulfill a vow made by their parents before their birth. Just as leaders have families with diverse needs and aspirations, employers should also feel for their staff.

In a certain city, interviews were underway to expand the organization's field staff (let us ignore the job profile) A group of loosely dressed, slim individuals emerged for the written skill and aptitude tests. The interview team consisted of the organization's leader, his wife, and a few directors. Each candidate humbly attended the interview, finally with an opportunity to ask questions if they had any. Most remained silent, like lambs without inquiries. However, as with the Pandanus odorifer leaf, (known as Pookaitha or the Umbrella tree plant), which usually will have at least one thorn that goes against the array, this candidate asked, "Can I know how much allowance I will be paid?" (The organization provided only allowances, not salaries). After a moment of surprise, one of the interviewers broke the silence and responded, "We are not seeking people who expect a salary, but rather individuals with strong commitments." Since he had his own determination the candidate swiftly responded with a challenging comment and left without delay. The outcome of this rebellious candidate's rolling story remains unknown but he would have continued his pursuit in life.

Balancing Lifelong Commitments:

Marriage is a lifelong commitment, a partnership that endures until death separates. It involves embracing differences, overcoming challenges, and wholeheartedly supporting one another. When you make vows in the presence of loved ones and before God, they should bind you together indefinitely, regardless of circumstances. This commitment requires giving your best to uplift, love, honor, and respect each other, forming the foundation of a family.

However, approaching enrollment in a university or joining an organization should be different. It's not a lifelong commitment to study at an institution or work in a specific place. Even if you encounter difficulties, strive to successfully complete your course of study. However, keep in mind that the institution may not always fulfill your needs. In such cases, explore alternatives within the university or consider finding a more suitable environment or course.

Fulfilling Personal Vision in the Organizational Context

When it comes to working in an organization, whether secular or sacred, the aim should be to fulfill your personal vision. It's perfectly acceptable to work in an organization to earn a living and meet your financial obligations, similar to working in a company. If the organization and your role align with your skills, allowing you to contribute effectively, it's beneficial to stay. However, if joining the organization was driven by your vision, and it is not helping you achieve it, it's important to contemplate making a change for your own well-being.

Expanding Your Vision Beyond Employment

Above all, you should have a vision that extends beyond mere employment. Don't settle until you achieve your vision, even if it may be larger than what you can fully accomplish. Work towards realizing parts of it. Your vision should not be limited to your job or the organization you work for. If your vision aligns with the organization's mission, it can be an ideal place to work. However, if it fails to fulfill your vision or meet your needs, it's prudent to consider making a change. If the management is unresponsive and fails to support you, it's best to find a place that meets both your needs and the organization's requirements. The job should be mutually satisfying. Don't prolong your stay if it adversely affects your mental and physical well-being or the needs of your family.

The Illusion of Time Management: Balancing Multiple Commitments

During a conference, a promising leader, who had been assigned to another organization for a leadership orientation, confidently proclaimed, "I give full time to fulfill my call and commitment. I give 8 hours to organization A, 8 hours to organization B, and 8 hours to my family!" The audience couldn't help but wonder he managed to distribute his 8 hours of sleep among all three places! This statement raises questions about the feasibility of effectively balancing multiple commitments and the illusion of time management.


Embracing Equality and Support in Leadership

It's disheartening to discover that some leaders actively impede the success of former staff members in their new endeavors. Employers and team leaders should, at the very least, regard their team members as equals, even if they don't view them in a superior light.  Avoid evaluating your colleagues based solely on your own vision or goals. You may not even be aware of their aspirations or the challenges they face. If you haven't taken the time to know your colleagues, listen to their concerns, and offer moral support, you lack the moral right to make negative comments, recommendations, or referrals. Just because you've been able to remain in your job or company for 30 or 40 years doesn't mean everyone should follow your path or stay in their organization when their own vision and family suffer.

Valuing Individuality and Supporting Diverse Visions

Each individual possesses unique skills, valuable experiences, and personal responsibilities toward their families. If a team member expresses a desire to pursue different opportunities, it is vital for leaders to provide support and extend their blessings. It's crucial to remember that not everyone's sole purpose in life is work; many individuals work to sustain themselves. While work may hold significant importance for some, others have broader visions that extend beyond their current employment or organization.

Conclusion: While working in an organization to meet financial obligations is acceptable, it's essential to strive toward fulfilling personal visions. This requires seeking alignment between personal vision and the organization's mission. If the organization fails to meet one's needs or obstructs the vision, it's wise to consider making a change. Leaders should support their team members' success in new endeavors and respect their individuality and aspirations. By offering moral support, understanding colleagues' goals, and valuing unique skills and experiences, both individuals and organizations can thrive as visions extend beyond current employment.


 

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Wednesday, July 5, 2023

Nurturing Children with Diverse Abilities

Nurturing Children with Diverse Abilities

in Education, Learning, Communication, and Socialization


Philipose Vaidyar

Pradeep (name changed) is 20 years old, had struggled in his schooling, and at last, passed higher secondary. The boy does not talk much to people, does not express things well, is mostly silent, and stays at home, say the parents.  The father is well-employed and has not made many initiatives other than earning and providing for the family. Mother does a lot of research on the internet and protects their children well and do not expose them much to the world outside.  Their parents are confused as to which course to join him.  Kevin is 14 years old, you talk to him, and he would only stare at you passively. He does not respond to any strangers or even guest who comes to his home. Give him a mobile or laptop, and he will be glued to the seat. His parents say, he is just like that, he does not talk much to others. At school, he studies well and performs well on the paper.

Every child possesses a remarkable set of qualities and potential, making them truly unique individuals. As social beings, children crave learning, interaction, and growth, but their diverse abilities and disabilities can present challenges in various aspects of their development. Education or learning, communication, and socialization are essential domains where children flourish, but there can also be areas where they face obstacles. In this article, we will explore the importance of acknowledging and addressing these challenges, and discuss strategies to effectively support and empower children with diverse abilities. (Cases of children who can be diagnosed by medical practitioners and treated are not considered here).  Children may be slow bloomers, slow learners, dyslexic or may have dyscalculia or other difficulties that will affect their learning, development and performance.

Recognizing Diverse Abilities:

It is crucial to recognize that each child's journey is different and should be celebrated for its uniqueness. Some children may have exceptional abilities, demonstrating talents and skills beyond their peers. Others may face disabilities that require additional support and accommodations to thrive for overall development.

Learning and Education

Children learn in diverse ways, and it is crucial to provide a variety of strategies to accommodate their unique learning styles. Utilizing visual aids, hands-on activities, multisensory approaches, and alternative assessment methods can establish an inclusive learning environment. Recognizing and reinforcing children's strengths and interests can enhance their motivation, engagement, and overall learning outcomes. Collaboration among educators, parents, and professionals, including special education teachers and therapists, is crucial to adapt educational approaches and unlock each child's full potential.

If a child experiences specific difficulties in a particular subject, the National Institute of Open Schooling (NIOS) offers a selection of subjects and alternative learning and performance options. Universities also have special provisions for students that need to be requested well in advance. These provisions may include the appointment of a scribe, exemption from spelling errors, exemption from second and third language requirements, and an additional 1/3 of the allotted time, among others.

Communication: 

Effective communication is essential for children to express their thoughts, needs, and emotions. Some children may encounter challenges in verbal communication, such as speech delays or language disorders. If identified and deemed necessary, audiology, speech therapy, and other therapeutic interventions provide various options to address these communication challenges. At times, alternative communication systems, assistive technology devices, apps, or computer options can serve as valuable tools to bridge these gaps. Employing thoughtful and creative methods to express or re-express information or experiences enhances children's communication opportunities. It is important to consult children, involve them in decision-making processes, and explain the constraints, limitations, and advantages associated with the choices we make.

Creating ample real-time opportunities for children, appropriate to their age, to observe and learn how we handle things or make purchasing decisions greatly aids in their learning and communication development. Furthermore, daily family time should allow space for children to express their opinions, plans, reflections, or critical comments about various things, experiences, or topics.

Socialization:

Socialization plays a crucial role in a child's development, helping them build relationships, gain self-confidence, and develop empathy. Being part of group settings, especially during the formative years, allows children to learn and grow, shaping their personalities, values, and communication skills. It's important not to confine children to the home and overly supervise their every move, as this can hinder their development, personality, and potential. Most children are naturally curious and eager to explore. It's beneficial to support them on their journey, allowing them some freedom and avoiding excessive control or restrictions. For intelligent and creative children who crave more exploration, facilitate their experiences by taking them to different locations, and workplaces, or introducing them to friends and families. Monitor their activities carefully while allowing them to learn in their own unique way.

Children often have curious minds and may inquire about how everyday items such as paint, furniture, or bricks are made. It might not always be practical to visit a paint factory or other distant locations, but engaging in conversation with a chemist or someone knowledgeable in the field can provide valuable insights for children who have a pressing and for parents who do not have that felt need. If a child expresses interest, visiting places like a sawmill, wood factory, brickyard, or automobile workshop can be easily arranged.

For children with diverse abilities, creating inclusive social opportunities is crucial. Facilitating peer interactions, promoting inclusive play, and organizing group activities that celebrate diversity can foster a sense of belonging and acceptance. It is essential to educate children about differences and promote empathy and respect for one another.

The Role of Parents: 

Parents play a vital role in supporting their children, particularly those with special needs. However, the level of awareness, education, and availability of resources may differ among parents. Some parents may lack knowledge and understanding of managing children with special needs, while others may be well-educated and financially stable. It is important for all parents to recognize the unique nature of their child and take the necessary initiatives to seek, gather and provide appropriate support and services.  

For instance, some parents choose to purchase numerous toys for their children, while others face financial constraints and cannot afford any. There are parents who invest in expensive toys and emphasize careful handling and long-term preservation. It's worth noting that some children, regardless of their gender, have a natural curiosity to break toys and explore their inner workings. However, relying solely on purchasing indestructible building blocks is not necessarily the solution. Therefore, it is crucial to make informed decisions when buying items or services for children, considering their age appropriateness and value for their development.

It's important to avoid discussing or commenting on a child's toy-breaking behavior in front of guests or visitors at home. Doing so can surprise the child and negatively impact their self-esteem and confidence. Exposing a child's mistakes, errors, or disobedience to others does not facilitate behavior correction; instead, it can tarnish their future prospects. Please note that discussions on training, disciplining, and parenting are beyond the scope of this article.

 

Assessment:

Assessment is a critical step for parents to better understand their child's needs before making judgments or assumptions. It is important to recognize that most medical specialists, including psychiatrists and psychologists, may not have comprehensive knowledge about specific learning disabilities. For issues related to learning and education, it is advisable to consult an educational psychologist who specializes in these areas. It is surprising to note that many medical and clinical practitioners are often unaware of learning disabilities in children, despite some claiming expertise in the field. While professionals play a vital role in the assessment process, it is crucial to remember that they too can make mistakes. Seeking second and third opinions can provide a more comprehensive understanding of the child's abilities and challenges, ensuring that the support provided is accurate and effective.

 

Reflecting back on my own experience in the late 1990s, we encountered a specific learning issue with our son. A well-known and senior psychiatrist in Kochi, who had written articles about Dyslexia, diagnosed him as "typical of ADHD" (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) and recommended medication. To our dismay, a motivational speaker and teacher suggested resorting to physical punishment by beating him below the knee to break his will. Another discouraging response came from the founder of a counseling institute in Kerala, who consoled us with the statement that not all children can become engineers or doctors, completely missing the point of our struggle, which was simply to help our son complete his schoolwork. Through personal research, internet readings, and discussions with other doctors, we came to the realization that he did not have ADHD, leading us to stop the medications.

Subsequently, a pediatric friend directed us to a psychologist in Bangalore with a Ph.D. in clinical counseling. After two days of critical thinking, it became evident that the psychologist was taking advantage of our situation, offering promises of guiding us to the right school in Bangalore. Finally, at NIMHANS, Bangalore, the possibility of dyslexia was suggested. Due to my mother's hospitalization, I could not continue with the subsequent consultations, but I sought help from another Institute of Cognitive Science in Trivandrum. The assessment process there involved an EEG taken by every consultee and I refrained from an EEG. We enrolled our son in a special learning center in Coonoor for a year, and he was successfully reintegrated into mainstream schooling when we moved to Hyderabad. Despite not having a certification, we joined him in an ICSC school, equipped with our learnings and discussions with management. Nonetheless, our quest for a proper assessment persisted.

In Hyderabad, the most renowned assessment center was an organization run by a famous psychiatrist, which turned out to be an unethical enterprise involving patented medicines and numerous other issues. It was only through the guidance of a special educator that we discovered Chennai to be the best place for a proper assessment. Eventually, in Chennai, we were able to obtain a thorough assessment by an educational psychologist. The certificate we received was transformative for the family, leading us to make significant changes in our approach. After completing the 6th grade in Hyderabad, we relocated to Chennai in 2006. However, our journey continued as we joined a learning center that promised to guide him toward NIOS. After spending a year and a quarter there, we decided to discontinue our association as it did not contribute to our son's developmental progress. Undeterred, we moved forward. In the next center, we found support from teachers, and despite missing the 7th through 10th standards, our son was able to appear for NIOS secondary exams in six subjects after just seven months of preparation. Remarkably, he emerged as the only one among the 16 students from that center to pass the exams that year.

Tailoring Support to Individual Needs

Every child with diverse abilities requires unique forms of support. Some children may benefit from a specialized learning environment, while others may require individualized attention. Certain children may need medical attention, while others may thrive with the dedicated efforts of their parents to foster expression, development, and confidence. Thoughtful interventions should be employed to help children socialize, as each child's journey is distinct and demands personalized attention.

Parental Sacrifices for Child Development

Sometimes, parents may need to make significant sacrifices to support the development of their child with special needs. This may involve leaving or shifting jobs, forgoing promotions, relocations or taking risks to create a conducive environment for their child. Parents must recognize that these sacrifices are essential for their child's formation, development, and future settling in life. The well-being and progress of their child should take precedence over other concerns.

Conclusion

After 25 years, I can observe significant changes in the area of child development. There is an abundance of information and experience accessible if we actively seek it. Additionally, there exist alternative methods to accomplish our objectives, provided we are open to exploring them. Recently I heard of a mother residing in my neighborhood in Kerala. Despite her limited education and humble background, she displayed immense dedication. She diligently gathered information, forged connections with individuals who could assist her, and even stayed up late with her daughter to study for the competitive exam. As a result of her efforts, her daughter excelled in the test and rightfully secured a government seat.

Every child deserves an environment that recognizes and supports their unique abilities and challenges. By embracing inclusive practices in education, learning, communication, and socialization, we create a nurturing space where all children can thrive. As caregivers, educators, and advocates, it is our responsibility to champion the potential of every child and ensure they have the necessary tools and support to embark on their individual journeys of growth, learning, and success. Parents, in particular, play a crucial role in understanding and nurturing their child's needs, making informed decisions, and providing the necessary support and interventions for their overall development and well-being.

_________________

The author, a development researcher and communication consultant, father of three has a son, Joash who was diagnosed with ADHD at an early age and later rightly as typically Dyslexic. Despite this challenge, he trekked a journey of faith, seeking and seizing opportunities for his ongoing education. After completing a Bachelor's degree in visual communication, Joash decided to forego pursuing a master's degree. Instead, he gained valuable knowledge through various programs and work in the media field. Today, Joash is a co-founder of a Healthcare Tech start-up company that has grown to a value of 100 crores, where he also leads the departments of media and user experience.

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