Why Modern Marriages Break
More Than Ever Before?!
The Foundations
We Forgot
Philipose Vaidyar
For
centuries, marriages endured hardships that many modern couples would find
overwhelming—poverty, wars, epidemics, and the pressures of traditional life.
These unions were not perfect, but they were anchored by values that upheld
commitment, sacrifice, and the willingness to grow together. Marriage was seen
as a covenant, not a convenience. Families were imperfect, but stable; couples
were flawed, yet determined.
Today,
however, marriages are collapsing at a pace unprecedented in history. Even in
cultures where arranged marriages once flourished, couples embraced the
relationship with a sense of duty and responsibility. They adjusted, they
learned, they endured. Mistakes existed, but perseverance prevailed.
So what
changed?
Why does marriage struggle now—even with better communication tools, higher
education, and more personal freedom?
The
answer lies in the loss of several foundational pillars that once held
marriages together.
1. From Covenant to
Convenience: A Cultural Drift
As societies moved from agrarian →
industrial → information → digital, people gradually began adding new personal, social, and economic expectations
to marriage. These shifts did not alter what marriage is, but they changed how many attempted to interpret and integrate marriage within their evolving world.
·
Agrarian
society: marriage was viewed mainly as a cooperative partnership for
survival—shared work, shared land, shared responsibilities.
·
Industrial
society: stability, respectable family structure, and upward social
movement became attached to marriage.
·
Information
age: emotional fulfillment, lifestyle compatibility, and personal
achievement were increasingly emphasized.
·
Digital age:
individualism, comparison, instant gratification, career identity, and economic
status began influencing partner choices and expectations.
As more of these evolving values were loaded
onto marriage—personal branding, financial aspiration, emotional perfectionism,
and competitive equality—marriage became more fragile. What was once a covenant
supported by family and community quietly shifted toward an individual contract
tested by performance and expectations.
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2. The Copycat Problem:
Imitating Without Understanding
Global
media has exposed us to countless relationship styles. People began imitating
other cultures without understanding their roots or values. Independence was copied
without responsibility. Romance was copied without commitment. Freedom was
copied without accountability.
Imitation
without understanding produces confusion—and confused expectations destabilize
marriages.
3. The Consumer Mindset:
When Marriage Becomes a Product
In a
consumer-driven world, everything is evaluated—benefits, features, upgrades.
This mindset silently enters marriage:
- “Is this person the best I
can get?”
- “Do they elevate my status?”
- “If I’m unhappy, I can
replace the relationship.”
People
seek partners with better income, higher employability, and greater social
value. Instead of complementing one another, couples begin to compete.
Competition
is the silent killer of intimacy.
Marriage thrives on complementarity—not rivalry.
4. The Rise of
Hyper-Independence: “I Don’t Need You”
Technological
empowerment and economic independence have created a mindset that says:
“I am
capable; I don’t need to adjust to anyone.”
“I can run a family without you.”
Healthy
independence is good; hyper-independence is destructive.
Marriage requires interdependence—a willingness to lean on each other,
support each other, and build together.
Two
people insisting on absolute independence will eventually live emotionally
alone, even while sharing the same home.
5. When Relationships
Become Performances
Movies,
serials, and social media teach people how to “act out” love.
Couples perform romance publicly but struggle privately.
Marriage
is not:
- a stage for society
- a brand to display
- a storyline to impress
others
It is a
daily, real, imperfect journey—one that demands humility, honesty, and
emotional transparency.
6. Eros, Philia, and the
Missing Agape
Modern
relationships often begin with:
- Eros – attraction or emotional
excitement
- Philia – friendship, shared
interests, similar backgrounds
These are
good beginnings, but not enough to sustain a lifelong relationship.
Marriage
requires Agape—the sacrificial love that says:
“I love
you despite your weaknesses.”
“I choose you even when it’s not convenient.”
“I am committed beyond feelings.”
Without
Agape, marriages stagnate.
With Agape, marriages grow.
7. Leaving and
Cleaving—Corrected and Balanced
“Leaving
and cleaving” is one of the most misunderstood principles today.
The Bible
says:
“A man
shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife.”
This does
not mean:
- rejecting parents
- cutting off family
- isolating from community
- living only for your
children
Leaving means:
- Leaving dependency,
not relationship
- Becoming emotionally and
financially mature
- Prioritizing the spouse
without abandoning the parents
Cleaving means:
- Forming a primary and loyal
union
- Creating unity, not
isolation
- Building a home together,
not a fortress against others
Leaving
does not reduce one’s responsibility to parents.
Honoring father and mother remains a command—with a promise attached:
“Honor
your father and mother… that it may go well with you and you may live long on
the earth.” (Ephesians 6:2, 3)
Yet many
couples mistakenly isolate themselves, thinking privacy equals strength.
But a family built in a silo eventually becomes fragile.
Children
watch.
The way parents treat their parents becomes the pattern the next
generation repeats.
Input →
Output.
What you sow is what you reap.
8. Living for Your
Children—But Not Only for Them
Some
couples disassociate from parents and community and focus solely on their
children.
But this creates a cycle: children grow up learning to isolate, to ignore
elders, and to avoid community.
And
eventually, they will treat their parents in the same way.
Healthy
families include children, parents, grandparents, and a meaningful connection
to a wider community. Not interference—but involvement. Not control—but
support.
9. The Misguidance of
Modern Marriage Advice
Many
contemporary marital advisors speak from:
- personal opinions
- untested theories
- fancy ideas
- selective psychology
This
often results in unrealistic expectations and anti-family attitudes.
Wise
counsel comes from:
- parents
- senior friends
- mentors with proven
marriages
- spiritually mature leaders
- community elders who know
your life personally
Why avoid
those who genuinely care, and run instead to distant voices with no stake in
your future?
Real
guidance requires real relationships.
10. No Marriage Can Survive
in Isolation
A
marriage cut off from parents, extended family, community, or fellowship
becomes structurally weak.
Even a company cannot survive alone—it relies on hundreds of interdependent
systems:
- farmers
- miners
- factories
- suppliers
- transport
- markets
If human
organizations depend on interconnection, how much more a family?
Even the
wedding ceremony itself is conducted publicly so the community can witness,
support, and uphold the marriage.
Their
role does not end with the event.
They are part of the ecosystem that nourishes the relationship.
Marriage
may have privacy, but not isolation.
It needs the fabric, manure, and nourishment of family, community, and
fellowship.
The Final Word: The Love
That Holds Everything Together
At the
core, marriages collapse today not because the institution has failed, but
because our understanding of love has weakened.
Marriage
is not sustained by compatibility, convenience, or chemistry.
It is sustained by covenant love—unselfish, enduring, and gracious.
The Bible
provides the most powerful blueprint ever written:
“Love is
patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking…
It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never fails.”
— 1 Corinthians 13:4–8
This is
the love that makes a marriage last. This is the love that strengthens families and societies.
This is the love that never breaks.
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