Sparks, Knocks, and Slamming Doors

FAITH AT HOME: BEFORE THE CRISIS ARRIVES

Philipose Vaidyar

In an earlier write-up, “When Students (Children) Fail, Whom Do We Blame?” we noted that even in nurturing homes, children make their own choices. Click Here to View #1  Later, in “The Vanishing Youth from Our Congregations,” the focus shifted to the church—how weak programs, self-serving leadership, and misplaced priorities often push young people away. Click Here to View #2

Now, we turn to the home. Before crises arise, how can we nurture a faith that lasts? Not through formulas or fear, but through presence, patience, and intentional parenting.

Take one story: a young woman from a Christian family moved to the city, met a man of another faith at her workplace, and wanted to marry him. Instead of eloping, she consulted her parents, who agreed if the wedding took place in church. The couple joined a local congregation; the man underwent counseling, classes, baptism preparation, and was approved for membership. They married quietly—then disappeared from church life, later citing distance and work. Many such stories end in similar confusion, with parents left praying for true faith to take root.

Today, many church-raised young people marry outside the faith, divorce, or hide secret relationships. Global culture—instantly accessible online—shapes their values. In this consumerist world, even marriage is treated like an online purchase: try, discard, replace. Some avoid it altogether.

The deeper question is this: are our young people basing their choices on Christ, or simply on earning, spending, and consuming? Our children are not only listening but also watching—imitating not just their parents, but also their peers and the surrounding culture. In such a world, how do we ensure that what they absorb at home points them toward faith, character, and maturity?

1. Parenting with Purpose, Not Panic

Faith cannot be outsourced. It is not the job of the Sunday school teacher alone. Nor is it the church’s responsibility to raise our children spiritually. Scripture places that responsibility primarily on parents:

“These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road...” (Deuteronomy 6:6–7).

Children are often taught to memorize Bible verses and praised when they recite them in church or during family prayers. While this has value, what matters even more is helping them discuss, interpret, and apply the meaning of those verses in everyday life. From a young age, children should be guided to see how Scripture speaks to their challenges and choices.

This should not be about rewards or punishments but about creating space at home for genuine interaction—learning together to hear God’s voice. Don’t wait until Sunday school or youth camps, which in reality offer little scope for such conversations. Some ministries may run programs on quiet time, personal Bible study, or inductive study methods. These can be helpful, but children may miss them because of school or other schedules. Parents cannot depend on those occasional opportunities; they need to take the lead.

Remember, parents are the best teachers of values, behavior, and character—even if not of academic subjects. Let spirituality begin naturally at home, as early as children learn anything else. When family prayer becomes a time of dialogue and discovery, children grow not just in knowledge of Scripture, but in the habit of listening to God.

Sadly, many parents start intentional spiritual conversations only when a crisis arises—when their child walks away from faith, gets into a bad relationship, or begins making poor choices. But by then, we are reacting, not shaping. The time to start is not when they’re in trouble, but when they are still learning to speak and observe.

2. The Atmosphere at Home Speaks Louder than Rules

Children can sense pretence. If we pray in church but fight at home, if we speak about love and grace but live with bitterness and complaints, they notice. Home must be a safe space where grace is practiced, truth is taught, and love is consistent. Not perfect parenting—but honest, humble, and consistent.

Let’s not confuse rigid rule-keeping with righteousness. Children thrive not in controlling environments but in homes that model Christ.

3. Modeling, Not Just Teaching

Paul boldly said, “Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ.” (1 Corinthians 11:1)

That’s a strong claim—and a needed one today. Parents don’t need to be perfect, but they do need to be intentional. Children model what they see: how you pray, how you treat your spouse, how you spend money, how you respond to failure. Everything preaches. 

 4. Spending Time Individually with Children

Each child is unique, and parents must take time to connect with them personally. From an early age, explaining matters and truths individually—whether during a walk, a routine task, or shared activities—helps build trust and openness. Encouragement is best given in public, while correction is most effective in private, especially in matters of personal growth or sensitive advice. Parents should agree on this and decide who addresses which matters. Such intentional one-on-one moments shape both confidence and character.

5. Guarding What Shapes Them

In today’s hyper-connected world, children are shaped not just by what happens at home, but by what they consume online, what they hear from peers, and the subtle ideologies pushed through media. Parents must help their children develop discernment, not just discipline. That includes talking about values, warning about deception, and helping them think biblically.

We must be present—not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually. Presence builds trust. And trust creates the bridge over which truth can be shared.

6. Faith Is Caught Before It Is Taught

Let’s remember: faith is not downloaded through lectures. It’s absorbed through life—through conversations at the dinner table, through bedtime prayers, through how we treat the poor, speak to elders, and respond when things go wrong.

It’s not about doing more programs. It’s about being more present.

A Closing Thought

We began by asking: whom do we blame when children walk away—the church or parents? The truth is, blame never builds faith. What is needed is ownership. Church and home must partner, but the first classroom of faith is always the home.

A crisis can take many forms. It may begin as a spark, come knocking, or linger at the door. The hardest is when it enters the home—when children slip away unnoticed or storm out in anger, slamming the door behind them.
That is why parents cannot afford to wait for such moments. Faith formation cannot be outsourced to Sunday Schools, youth camps, or occasional trainings. These may support, but parents must lead—shaping character and guiding children early toward wise, Christ-centered decisions.
So let us not wait for sparks to flare, knocks to sound, doors to slam, or children to slip away. In a world of shifting values and consumer-style relationships, our children need what is real. They need to see lives lived with authenticity, a daily walk with Christ, and a readiness to listen together for His voice. What must be passed on is not rituals or memory verses, but the joy of knowing a living Savior at the center of every decision.

Previous Post # 1 https://pvarticles.blogspot.com/2025/01/who-fails-parents-or-children.html 

Previous Post #2 https://pvarticles.blogspot.com/2025/08/missing-from-pew.html 

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