Who Fails: Parents or Children?

Philipose Vaidyar

When Students Fail, Whom Do We Blame!?

Children raised in the same family often develop in diverse and unique ways. Despite shared environments and similar foundational values, they grow into individuals with distinct habits, characters, aspirations, and lifestyles. This diversity extends to their vocations, financial habits, choices in food, clothing, housing, transport, communication devices, and social behaviors. If these variations are natural and individual, why do we often expect uniformity in their religious and spiritual journeys?

Faith as a Personal Choice

Faith, while influenced by upbringing, is ultimately a personal choice. The perception that children who stray from faith do so solely due to parental failure is overly simplistic. Critics frequently cite Proverbs 22:6, which states, “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old, he will not depart from it.” While this verse emphasizes the importance of a strong foundation, it does not negate each person's individuality and free will. Every child, despite their upbringing, will face moments of decision that shape their spiritual journey.

Embracing Individual Differences

Consider a family with four children, each unique in character, behavior, aspirations, and lifestyle. One might excel in academics, another in creative arts, a third in entrepreneurial ventures, and the fourth in community service. Their approaches to life’s challenges, their social circles, and even their preferences for leisure activities will differ. If these differences are accepted and celebrated in other areas of life, why is it difficult to extend the same understanding to matters of faith and Christianity?

Human Free Will vs. Instinct

The diversity among humans stands in contrast to the behavior of animals and birds, which is often instinctive and consistent within their species. Birds, for example, follow predictable migratory patterns, build similar nests, and forage for food in ways that have been consistent for generations. Animals such as lions and deer exhibit behaviors that align closely with their instincts for survival, territory, and reproduction. Their actions are governed by innate patterns rather than individual choices. In contrast, humans are endowed with free will, intellectual reasoning, and the ability to make moral and spiritual decisions. This capacity for choice underscores why social and spiritual behaviors among people are vastly different and cannot be compared to other creatures.

Biblical Examples of Personal Choice

The Bible offers numerous examples of individuals who made distinct choices despite their backgrounds. Take, for instance, the story of the prodigal son in Luke 15:11-32. Both sons were raised in the same household, yet their life choices and faith journeys were markedly different. The younger son chose a path of rebellion, while the elder son remained at home, though his heart’s posture was later revealed to be far from perfect. The father’s response, characterized by love and grace, underscores the importance of individual accountability and the enduring hope for redemption.

Similarly, consider the accounts of Cain and Abel (Genesis 4:1-16). Despite having the same parents and upbringing, their attitudes toward God differed significantly, leading to drastically different outcomes. This narrative highlights that faith is not merely inherited but cultivated through personal choices and responses to God.

Parental Role and Responsibility

Christian parents need to provide a foundation of faith, discipline, and love, creating an environment where children can encounter God. Yet, parents must also recognize that each child’s faith journey is deeply personal. Philippians 2:12 encourages believers to “work out your own salvation with fear and trembling,” emphasizing individual responsibility in one’s relationship with God.

Responding to Children’s Choices

When children deviate from the faith, it is not always a reflection of parental failure. Instead of resorting to blame, the focus should be on persistent prayer and unwavering faith in God’s ability to bring transformation. The parable of the lost sheep (Luke 15:4-7) reassures us of God’s relentless pursuit of those who stray. His grace is sufficient to guide them back, irrespective of how far they wander.

The diversity in children’s faith journeys should challenge us to trust God’s sovereignty. Parents are called to plant seeds of faith, but it is ultimately God who causes growth (1 Corinthians 3:6-7). While parental influence is significant, it is not the sole determinant of a child’s spiritual path. Each individual must choose whom they will serve (Joshua 24:15).

Divine Discipline: Lessons for Life

God’s Discipline and Restoration: A Path to Redemption

When individuals, whether they have tasted salvation or not, and regardless of being raised by Christian parents, choose to rebel against God and walk on paths contrary to His will, they often encounter significant challenges. These severe situations can act as God’s way of disciplining or drawing them back to Him. Such experiences, painful as they may be, serve as instruments of restoration, refining their hearts and transforming their lives. Hebrews 12:6 reminds us, “The Lord disciplines the one He loves, and He chastens everyone He accepts as His son.” God’s ultimate goal is not punishment but redemption, leading individuals to a deeper, more personal relationship with Him.

The Danger of Loving Money: A Spiritual Warning

The Word of God warns that a love for money and an insatiable desire to become rich can lead to ruin. Those driven by these pursuits often pierce themselves with many sorrows, wander away from the faith, and risk shipwrecking their spiritual lives. As 1 Timothy 6:9-10 cautions, "But those who desire to be rich fall into temptation, into a snare, into many senseless and harmful desires that plunge people into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is the root of all kinds of evil. It is through this craving that some have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many pangs."

The Consequences of Rebellion and Hope of Restoration: Lessons from Israel

God’s Word also warns that disobedience and sinful living have severe consequences. When His children sin and turn away, He disciplines them, sometimes allowing them to face destruction if they persist in rebellion. A striking example is found in the history of Israel. Despite being chosen as God’s people, Israel repeatedly sinned through idolatry, disobedience, and unfaithfulness. God disciplined them by allowing invasions, exile, and suffering, as recorded in books like Judges and 2 Kings. Yet, His discipline always carried the purpose of restoration. For instance, Jeremiah 29:11 reveals God’s enduring plan for His people: "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." Even amidst judgment, God’s faithfulness and sovereignty remain unshaken, working all things for His ultimate plan.

Conclusion: Trusting God’s Sovereignty

In conclusion, does upbringing solely determine a child’s faith? Or is faith a deeply personal decision shaped by unique experiences and encounters with God? While parents play a critical role in laying a foundation, they cannot control every choice their children make. Instead of bearing undue guilt, they can entrust their children to God’s redemptive power and sovereignty. Just as God disciplined Israel to restore them, He works in every heart according to His perfect will and timing. Let us embrace His unfailing love, trust in His plans, and find hope in His ability to redeem and restore every life.

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