Root Causes and a Redemptive Response
Philipose Vaidyar
🎙
"My
people are destroyed for lack of knowledge." – Hosea 4:6
The Concern
Across denominations—whether evangelical, Pentecostal,
or episcopal—families are increasingly facing a painful and confusing reality: young
people who were raised in Christian homes are walking away from the faith.
Often, this takes the form of entering romantic or marital relationships with
non-Christian partners—not just Muslims, but individuals from various other
religions or belief systems.
One hears of a boy from an aristocratic Christian
family who maintained a school friendship with a girl from a non-Christian
background, eventually leading to a relationship despite clear incompatibility
in faith and values. In another case, a young Christian man marries a
non-believing partner from another religion, leaving his parents to face difficulties
in maintaining fellowship with the church and navigating family tensions.
But more than boys, many girls from strong churchgoing
and faith-filled families have run away from their hostels or homes, forming
surprising relationships with boys from other religious backgrounds. Parents
are left shocked, their hopes shattered, and their lives emotionally broken,
struggling to understand where things went wrong.
These situations may look like personal or emotional
choices, but they reflect deeper cracks in spiritual formation, relational
mentoring, and leadership engagement within the church community. Whether
driven by emotional vulnerability, social pressure, or a lack of grounding in
biblical truth, the issue demands a thoughtful, pastoral, and community-wide
response.
Understanding the Roots
·
Shallow
faith foundations: Many children grow up with Christian rituals but without a deep relationship with Christ.
·
Poor
mentoring: No safe, trusted young mentors to walk with them through
doubts, relationships, or personal struggles.
·
Over-controlling
environments: Fear-based parenting and church cultures often suppress
honest conversations.
·
Neglect of
inner formation: Churches emphasize behavior over belief, and
performance over transformation.
·
Clericalism
in leadership: Many clergy—be they presbyters, pastors, or bishops—assume they are the sole
experts and solution-givers in the congregation, leaving no room for lay
voices, professionals, or lived experience.
Solutions That Go Beyond the Pulpit
1. Train a Generation of Lay Mentors
We must identify
spiritually mature young adults and model families to serve as relational
mentors.
· These
people—not just pastors—should be equipped as friendly counselors, walking with
youth and children in everyday life.
· Start
a Training of Trainers (TOT) model in the church, where laypeople are empowered
to counsel, guide, and mentor based on Scripture, empathy, and lived
experience.
· These
could include Christian counselors, youth workers, godly couples, or even
professionals like teachers and social workers with a heart for mentoring.
2. Subtly Orient Children Early in
Life
Start early, but not with
fear-based messaging. Help children understand who they are in Christ and how
to respond to life’s challenges with discernment.”.
· Teach
Christ-centered identity, critical thinking, and emotional intelligence.
· Introduce
conversations on boundaries, media influence, interfaith interactions, and
personal value gently but firmly.
· Use
storytelling, testimony, and role models—not just sermons.
3. Addressing the Leadership Myth in
Clergy-Driven Churches
In many episcopal or clergy-centered churches,
there’s a silent assumption: “The bishop, presbyter, or pastor must have the
answer to every issue.” This assumption is not just false—it’s dangerous.
Problems
with this mindset:
· It
isolates the clergy, placing unrealistic pressure and often preventing them
from acknowledging their own vulnerabilities.
· It
sidelines gifted laypeople who may have more real-life experience in
counseling, family life, leadership, or youth mentoring.
· It
blocks the diversity of wisdom God has placed in the Body of Christ (1
Corinthians 12).
What
needs to change:
· Presbyters
and pastors need to unlearn the myth that spiritual authority equals universal
expertise.
· Churches
must intentionally invite mature lay voices to lead workshops, sessions, and
mentoring programs.
· Let
model families, faithful couples, professionals, and trained youth take the
stage alongside the clergy in retreats, seminars, and discipleship forums.
The cassock doesn’t make one immune to blind spots. God’s wisdom is not
limited to the pulpit.
A Call to Rebuild the Church Family
Let’s stop treating the
Church as a performance stage and rebuild it as a discipling family. We need:
· Intentional
mentoring models rooted in trust, Scripture, and accountability.
· Clergy
who are humble enough to share the stage and wise enough to empower others.
· Parents
and leaders who disciple, not just control.
· Children
who grow in identity, purpose, and discernment, knowing their value is rooted
in Christ.
Takeaway
This isn’t about shifting blame. It’s about shifting focus—from controlling outcomes to cultivating hearts. The goal is not to protect children from the world through fear, but to prepare them to face the world with faith, wisdom, and support.
STOP PRESS!
Is the whole issue rooted in the church, or does it begin much earlier at home? While this article primarily focused on the church environment—its flawed theology, misplaced priorities, and misguided leadership—the intention was never to place all the blame solely there. In fact, we began this larger conversation by addressing the struggles between parents and children in a previous post: Who Fails—Parents or Children?. The heart of the issue lies in a dangerous assumption—that Sunday School, youth camps, and weekly sermons will take care of everything. However, faith isn't formed solely by programs. It is cultivated daily in the home—at the dining table, in quiet conversations, and through lived example.
When children take unexpected turns, we’re often surprised. But maybe the warning signs were there—just unseen, or worse, ignored.
Let’s now turn the lens back to where faith is first meant to be formed: in the home. (in the next post)
My previous post: https://pvarticles.blogspot.com/2025/01/who-fails-parents-or-children.html
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