Philipose Vaidyar
The
tragic story of a high-ranking officer in Kerala, known for his impeccable
track record, committing suicide (alleged to be * See Note - Disclaimer- at the footer) after being accused of bribery, contrasts
sharply with the case of a manager in Hyderabad who, despite being caught
misappropriating funds, manipulated his way into survival. These two stories
highlight the complexity of leadership under stress and the different ways
individuals cope with crisis, shame, and responsibility.
In the first case, the officer, who held the rank in a district in Kerala (Officer), had served with distinction throughout his career. His transfer to the native district was marked by a send-off function, with just seven months of service left before his retirement. However, during this event, an uninvited local government representative—a politically elected president—attended the meeting and publicly accused the officer of accepting bribes. The accusation was not only made in front of a gathering but was also recorded by the accuser and telecasted in the media, amplifying the impact of the allegations. Despite his long-standing reputation and credible service record, the sudden public humiliation and attack on his integrity led to an emotional collapse. Feeling overwhelmed by the disgrace, he tragically chose to end his life by suicide (assuming for now that the available information is true), shortly before he was supposed to reunite with his family, who had been waiting for him at the train station.
In stark
contrast, a manager in Hyderabad (Manager) who was occupied in wrongdoing,
having been caught misappropriating funds during a routine audit, took a
completely different approach. Instead of facing the consequences, the Manager
threatened to commit suicide in the office if exposed. This threat caused panic
among the leadership, who, fearing scandal and tragedy, asked the internal
finance officer to leave the organization, thus shielding the corrupt Manager
from repercussions. Over time, the manager kept his position and established an NGO, continuing to accumulate wealth under the guise of
serving the poor.
These two
contrasting stories reveal the stark difference in how individuals deal with
personal and public crises. The Officer, a man of honor and integrity, was
crushed by the weight of a single accusation, unable to bear the prospect of
losing his hard-earned reputation, even when it was based on unfounded claims.
Meanwhile, the corrupt Manager in Hyderabad exploited his circumstances, using
threats to evade accountability and continue his malpractices with latitude.
Why Do Some Leaders Succumb to Emotional Breakdown While Others Survive?
The difference in outcomes stems from how individuals perceive and respond
to the crises they face. A few factors can help explain this contrast:
· Shame
and Identity: The high-ranking officer's entire sense of
identity may have been tied to his clean reputation and professional
accomplishments. The accusation of bribery likely felt like an attack on his
very core, causing deep shame. This identity crisis, coupled with the fear of
public humiliation, led to his emotional collapse.
· Emotional
Manipulation: On the other hand, the manager in Hyderabad displayed a
different kind of emotional reaction. Instead of feeling guilt or shame, he
threatened suicide as a manipulation tactic to avoid consequences. His lack of
accountability and the leadership’s decision to protect him enabled his
unethical behavior to continue. He used the crisis to his advantage, shifting
focus away from his actions.
These stories emphasize how emotional health, resilience, and moral
grounding can determine whether a person succumbs to suicidal tendencies or
finds ways, ethical or not, to survive.
Shifting the Focus: Emotional Health for Everyone, Not Just Leaders
While these stories deal with leaders in positions of power, the issue of
emotional health and the threat of emotional breakdowns is a concern for people
at all levels. Many individuals, whether in leadership or not, face similar
feelings of hopelessness, loss of identity, or fear of failure. How can we
prevent people from falling into the trap of suicidal tendencies or emotional breakdowns,
whether in response to accusations, financial losses, or personal failures?
Understanding Emotional Breakdown: Why Do People Fail to Cope?
There are several reasons why individuals—leaders or otherwise—struggle to
cope with crises, shame, or failures:
1. Over-Identification
with Success or Reputation: Just like the officer whose identity was
built on his career, many people define their worth by external markers of
success—wealth, social standing, or professional accomplishments. When these
are threatened, they feel as if they have lost everything.
2. Fear
of Public Humiliation: For some, the fear of being judged or shamed by
others is unbearable. The public nature of their downfall intensifies feelings
of despair. In such moments, individuals may struggle to see beyond the crisis,
and suicide can seem like the only escape.
3. Emotional
Isolation: Many people, especially those in leadership, feel they
cannot share their burdens with others for fear of appearing weak. This
isolation deepens the emotional pain, making it harder to seek help or see
solutions.
4. Poor
Coping Mechanisms: If people are not taught how to cope with stress
and failure from an early age, they may lack the tools to manage crises later
in life. Instead of processing their emotions in healthy ways, they may resort
to impulsive decisions.
Building Emotional Resilience: How to Help People Think Beyond Crisis
To prevent emotional breakdowns and suicidal tendencies, it is essential to
focus on emotional health from the formative years through adulthood. Here are
some strategies for fostering resilience:
1. Develop
Emotional Intelligence Early: Schools, youth programs, and families
should teach young people how to recognize, understand, and manage their
emotions. Emotional intelligence helps individuals manage stress,
disappointment, and failure with greater maturity.
2. Promote
Self-Worth Beyond Accomplishments: It’s crucial to teach people that
their worth is not solely tied to their career, wealth, or public image.
Building a balanced sense of identity that includes values, relationships, and
personal growth can help people stay grounded even when external circumstances
change.
3. Normalize
Conversations Around Mental Health: In many cultures, discussing
mental health is stigmatized. We need to create environments where it’s safe to
manage vulnerability and seek help. Leaders, in particular, should be
encouraged to prioritize their mental health and model this behavior for
others.
4. Encourage
Building Strong Support Systems: Building strong relationships with both peers and seniors is essential for emotional and social development. Trusted friends, family members, or mentors provide support during crises, acting as buffers against isolation and despair. While peer friendships are important for sharing and bonding, befriending seniors offers the added benefit of guidance and counsel from more mature perspectives. Forming good friendships early helps develop emotional intelligence, communication skills, and collaborative thinking. These relationships encourage sharing, build trust, and promote early discussions around mental health, breaking the stigma around vulnerability. Parents and seniors who model mental health openness create safe environments where children can share, fostering emotional resilience and teamwork from a young age.
5. Teach
Conflict Resolution and Coping Skills: Everyone should be equipped
with tools to handle stress, resolve conflicts, and manage failures.
Mindfulness, stress management, and problem-solving skills can be taught in
schools, workplaces, and community programs to help people navigate crises more
effectively.
6. Foster
a Sense of Purpose: People who feel connected to a higher
purpose—whether through faith, community service, or personal goals—are often
better able to withstand personal crises. Encouraging individuals to find
meaning beyond material success can help them stay hopeful even in difficult
times.
*Note:
Disclaimer:
While there has been speculation surrounding this case being
a suicide, it remains under investigation, and no definitive conclusions have
been reached. We refrain from making any assumptions until the truth is fully
uncovered. However, it is important to acknowledge that suicides,
unfortunately, are not uncommon, and the gravity of such incidents demands
careful attention and sensitivity as the facts emerge.
Conclusion: Hope Beyond Struggles
The tragic stories show the
complexity of human emotions under stress. But these stories also serve as a
reminder that hope, resilience, and emotional health are essential for
everyone.
By building emotional intelligence, promoting self-worth beyond professional
success, and creating strong support systems, we can help individuals navigate
crises with strength and clarity. Whether in leadership or everyday life, the
ability to think beyond immediate struggles and seek help when needed can make
the difference between despair and survival.
“As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another."
“For lack of guidance a nation falls, but victory is won through many advisers.
“Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of a friend springs from their heartfelt advice”.
These verses from the Proverbs illustrate how friends can positively influence and strengthen
each other through their wisdom and support.
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